1 00:00:06,836 --> 00:00:09,008 Hey, watch where the [bleep] you going. 2 00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:11,513 - Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. - Oh. 3 00:00:12,979 --> 00:00:14,415 I didn't see you had a baby there, man. 4 00:00:14,483 --> 00:00:16,788 I'm sorry. I ain't trying to fight nobody with a baby. 5 00:00:19,238 --> 00:00:21,443 Yeah, h-hell yeah, you won't. 6 00:00:22,409 --> 00:00:23,996 Pfft. 7 00:00:26,698 --> 00:00:29,205 - Lucky mother[bleep]. - Oh, yeah? 8 00:00:29,262 --> 00:00:31,414 Well, you're lucky I'm carrying this baby. 9 00:00:31,501 --> 00:00:32,821 What's up with that? 10 00:00:33,348 --> 00:00:35,512 Look, man, you need to move on, all right? 11 00:00:35,530 --> 00:00:37,531 I already told you I'm not gonna fight you. 12 00:00:37,553 --> 00:00:39,926 Huh. That's what I thought, punk. 13 00:00:39,994 --> 00:00:41,367 - Psh. - You wanna go? 14 00:00:41,415 --> 00:00:42,798 'cause we can go right now, dog. 15 00:00:42,819 --> 00:00:44,022 What's goin' on, brother? 16 00:00:44,089 --> 00:00:45,467 Man, what the hell are you doing, man? 17 00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,040 What, what, what? You tr... what, what? 18 00:00:47,108 --> 00:00:48,343 Tryin' to bo... I can bob and weave it. 19 00:00:48,386 --> 00:00:49,456 - What? - You bitch-ass, 20 00:00:49,472 --> 00:00:50,909 punk-ass mother[bleep], let's go. 21 00:00:50,944 --> 00:00:52,063 Come on, man. Come on. 22 00:00:52,063 --> 00:00:53,728 No, no, don't look at your boys. Look at me, man. 23 00:00:53,744 --> 00:00:54,846 Don't look at your b... 24 00:00:55,090 --> 00:00:55,900 Ow. 25 00:00:56,711 --> 00:00:58,089 Oh, okay, you think you hard. 26 00:00:58,099 --> 00:00:59,177 All right, but you know what? 27 00:00:59,244 --> 00:01:02,884 I'ma show you what time it is right now. Okay? Slap me. 28 00:01:02,914 --> 00:01:04,792 I'm just... right? How 'bout this, huh? 29 00:01:04,852 --> 00:01:06,647 Now what you gonna do, huh? Now what you gonna do? 30 00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:08,252 You ready? 'cause we can do it right now. 31 00:01:08,262 --> 00:01:09,512 'cause I could take you out, man. 32 00:01:09,525 --> 00:01:10,176 You're nothing... Aaah... 33 00:01:10,369 --> 00:01:11,439 Ow! 34 00:01:11,457 --> 00:01:13,729 Oh! Oof. 35 00:01:14,254 --> 00:01:14,908 Okay. 36 00:01:14,951 --> 00:01:16,220 Oh, it's on now. 37 00:01:16,237 --> 00:01:17,407 That's... yep. 38 00:01:17,450 --> 00:01:19,220 You dead. You dead. 39 00:01:20,709 --> 00:01:21,945 Excuse me, I need this. 40 00:01:22,163 --> 00:01:23,266 Yeah. 41 00:01:24,254 --> 00:01:26,191 Necesito un bebe. 42 00:01:26,192 --> 00:01:27,090 - Gracias. 43 00:01:35,872 --> 00:01:36,390 Listen. 44 00:01:36,925 --> 00:01:37,960 What the... 45 00:01:38,405 --> 00:01:41,044 What now, man? What now? 46 00:01:41,104 --> 00:01:42,307 Let's go. 47 00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:46,059 You know what? It's not even worth it, man. 48 00:01:46,162 --> 00:01:48,344 Ahh, ha ha. 49 00:01:48,402 --> 00:01:49,838 That's what I thought! 50 00:01:49,906 --> 00:01:51,142 So keep walking! 51 00:01:51,186 --> 00:01:52,956 Oh. Okay, that's vomit. 52 00:01:53,325 --> 00:01:54,193 That is vomit. 53 00:01:55,237 --> 00:01:56,368 Oh, dear. 54 00:02:18,501 --> 00:02:19,669 You know what's going on. 55 00:02:19,738 --> 00:02:20,774 - Thank you. - Yeah. 56 00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,113 - Thank you! - Oh, yeah. 57 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:25,182 Hello! 58 00:02:29,855 --> 00:02:32,001 Good evening. I am Keegan-Michael Key. 59 00:02:32,018 --> 00:02:33,825 - I am Jordan Peele. - And we are Key and Peele. 60 00:02:33,825 --> 00:02:35,463 - Key and Peele. - Thank you for coming out. 61 00:02:36,388 --> 00:02:38,715 That's our names. 62 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,513 All right. 63 00:02:40,531 --> 00:02:42,177 So one thing that is true 64 00:02:42,213 --> 00:02:44,584 is that I would never, uh, last in a gang. 65 00:02:44,684 --> 00:02:45,719 - Nor would I. - No. 66 00:02:45,738 --> 00:02:46,852 Nor would I, not for one moment. 67 00:02:46,921 --> 00:02:49,842 I mean, I don't get the whole hand sign thing. 68 00:02:49,859 --> 00:02:51,062 - Mm-hmm. - I'd be throwing up, 69 00:02:51,203 --> 00:02:53,042 "Hey, live long and prosper, mother[bleep]." 70 00:02:53,110 --> 00:02:54,171 You know? 71 00:02:54,698 --> 00:02:56,537 - That's what I got. - I... 72 00:02:56,556 --> 00:02:58,493 I would be too concerned about the colors. 73 00:02:58,541 --> 00:02:59,963 - Right. - I would just be too c... 74 00:02:59,976 --> 00:03:01,437 I would... 'cause I don't understand the colors. 75 00:03:01,437 --> 00:03:02,868 I don't understand the rhyme or the reason. 76 00:03:02,868 --> 00:03:04,878 Now, Bloods... I get that one. 77 00:03:05,321 --> 00:03:06,916 Why are Crips blue? 78 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,346 Is that a arbitrary choice? Is there a Crip in the house? 79 00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:12,352 Nobody? Nobody? 80 00:03:12,814 --> 00:03:14,016 I'm just... I'm just... 81 00:03:14,257 --> 00:03:15,867 Yes, ma'am, please. Why are the Crips blue? 82 00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:17,012 She just r... 83 00:03:17,025 --> 00:03:19,398 "I'm a Crip. I'm a Crip. 84 00:03:19,398 --> 00:03:21,299 "I'm a Crip. Say somethin' else." 85 00:03:23,443 --> 00:03:25,114 - "Watch yourself." - "Say somethin' else." 86 00:03:25,132 --> 00:03:26,737 "Watch yourself. 87 00:03:26,781 --> 00:03:29,321 "'cause, [bleep], I got three guns 88 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:30,742 on me right now." 89 00:03:39,465 --> 00:03:40,365 What? What? What? 90 00:03:40,433 --> 00:03:42,297 What? What? What? Check yo'self, 91 00:03:42,314 --> 00:03:44,453 before I body pierce your damn skull. 92 00:03:44,371 --> 00:03:46,540 Think you can pull that trigger 'fore I blow your personality 93 00:03:46,498 --> 00:03:47,527 out the back of yo' head? 94 00:03:47,527 --> 00:03:49,265 Then go right ahead and test the hypothesis 95 00:03:49,431 --> 00:03:50,600 and see what happens. 96 00:03:50,642 --> 00:03:53,803 A'ight, I'ma give you a straight-up vampire C-section, 97 00:03:53,868 --> 00:03:55,758 - like we was... - Edward and Bella. 98 00:03:58,362 --> 00:04:01,107 Hold up. You like Twilight? 99 00:04:01,121 --> 00:04:02,738 Yeah, I like Twilight, [bleep]. 100 00:04:03,946 --> 00:04:05,215 You like Twilight? 101 00:04:05,283 --> 00:04:07,687 [bleep], Twilight's my jam. 102 00:04:08,572 --> 00:04:10,744 You a Edward [bleep] or a Jacob [bleep]? 103 00:04:11,531 --> 00:04:13,101 Answer that [bleep] together. 104 00:04:13,144 --> 00:04:15,419 - Three, two, one. - Edward. 105 00:04:15,613 --> 00:04:17,618 - Shi... - Shi... 106 00:04:18,006 --> 00:04:20,261 - Are you [bleep]ing with me? - Are you [bleep]ing with me? 107 00:04:20,268 --> 00:04:21,968 You either playing some [bleep]ed-up game, 108 00:04:21,968 --> 00:04:23,973 or you are straight-up inside my head. 109 00:04:23,991 --> 00:04:25,901 Yo, and when you said you was gonna blow 110 00:04:25,916 --> 00:04:27,921 my personality out the back of my head, 111 00:04:27,965 --> 00:04:29,201 I'm like, 112 00:04:29,338 --> 00:04:31,176 "That sounds like some [bleep] I would say." 113 00:04:31,594 --> 00:04:33,367 - Psh. - And now this Twilight [bleep]? 114 00:04:33,382 --> 00:04:34,470 - It's wavelength, [bleep]. 115 00:04:34,495 --> 00:04:37,162 - So I guess we friends then. - Oh, we best friends now. 116 00:04:37,251 --> 00:04:38,583 We the best of friends! 117 00:04:38,583 --> 00:04:41,396 - BFFs? - We are BFFs, M.F. 118 00:04:43,571 --> 00:04:47,287 ♪ When I'm with you ♪ 119 00:04:49,472 --> 00:04:53,175 ♪ The world stops turning around ♪ 120 00:04:53,324 --> 00:04:57,079 ♪ When I'm with you ♪ 121 00:04:58,100 --> 00:05:01,499 ♪ Our feet are off the ground ♪ 122 00:05:02,033 --> 00:05:05,562 ♪ When I'm with you ♪ 123 00:05:07,439 --> 00:05:10,665 ♪ Trumpets start to sound ♪ 124 00:05:10,864 --> 00:05:14,143 ♪ When I'm with you ♪ 125 00:05:16,176 --> 00:05:18,972 ♪ It's Heaven when you're around ♪ 126 00:05:19,628 --> 00:05:21,683 ♪ La, la, la, la... ♪ 127 00:05:22,471 --> 00:05:23,517 No, you didn't! 128 00:05:24,209 --> 00:05:25,548 - No, you didn't. - Yes, I did! 129 00:05:26,287 --> 00:05:28,314 That is a cra... That's a crazy story, man. 130 00:05:31,224 --> 00:05:32,795 Whew, too much, boy. 131 00:05:47,658 --> 00:05:48,907 Team... 132 00:05:49,714 --> 00:05:52,154 Edward. 133 00:05:57,606 --> 00:05:59,275 Mm, mm, mm. 134 00:05:59,294 --> 00:06:02,681 Well, looks like another gang-related killing. 135 00:06:04,341 --> 00:06:08,079 Surprise, sur-mother[bleep]- prise. 136 00:06:13,420 --> 00:06:15,894 You guys remember the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers? 137 00:06:17,350 --> 00:06:19,034 - Awful show. - That show was crazy. 138 00:06:19,081 --> 00:06:21,186 It was, like, the worst editing in the history of TV. 139 00:06:21,229 --> 00:06:22,265 Just bad sound effects. 140 00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,319 Yeah, totally. Yeah, I mean... 141 00:06:24,337 --> 00:06:26,442 When was the last time you heard a hit sound like that? 142 00:06:26,460 --> 00:06:28,529 - That doesn't sound like any... - No, never. 143 00:06:28,618 --> 00:06:30,055 No, I've never... I've never heard that, yeah. 144 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:32,629 I love in kung fu movies, and it, probably... it'd be like, 145 00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:33,940 just the wind, just... 146 00:06:35,805 --> 00:06:37,312 And you just hear that noise. 147 00:06:41,148 --> 00:06:42,605 - No, you can't. - Exactly, no, you can't do that. 148 00:06:45,546 --> 00:06:47,284 ♪ Saving Earth from space ♪ 149 00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:50,494 ♪ Power Falcons! ♪ 150 00:07:02,499 --> 00:07:04,604 Yellow Falcon, what do your senses tell ya? 151 00:07:04,671 --> 00:07:05,974 Destructo is a killing machine. 152 00:07:07,464 --> 00:07:09,829 His armor is impervious to our blasters. 153 00:07:10,824 --> 00:07:12,169 You got any ideas, Red Falcon? 154 00:07:12,186 --> 00:07:13,890 Sure do, Yellow Falcon. 155 00:07:13,932 --> 00:07:16,831 Blue Falcon, you remember our battle at Dango Bluff? 156 00:07:17,101 --> 00:07:19,306 I'll take the legs, you take the blasters. 157 00:07:19,325 --> 00:07:21,798 It was Beaver Creek, and I took the legs. 158 00:07:22,314 --> 00:07:24,412 Make sure you shore up that flank, Black Falcon. 159 00:07:24,755 --> 00:07:27,547 Um, are you talking to me? 160 00:07:27,665 --> 00:07:30,253 Because I'm the Green Falcon. 161 00:07:30,902 --> 00:07:32,038 No time for that, Black Falcon. 162 00:07:32,106 --> 00:07:33,275 Purple Falcon, arm missiles! 163 00:07:33,792 --> 00:07:35,665 Roger that. Arming missiles now. 164 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:37,086 Uh... 165 00:07:37,279 --> 00:07:39,178 Battle formations. We're going in. 166 00:07:39,193 --> 00:07:40,161 - Hey. - Roger that. 167 00:07:40,179 --> 00:07:41,016 - Hold up. - Copy that. 168 00:07:41,031 --> 00:07:43,598 - Roger. - My Falcon is green. 169 00:07:43,641 --> 00:07:45,145 Hey, hey, hey. We can talk about 170 00:07:45,211 --> 00:07:47,752 our Falcon colors when we get back to base, Black Falcon. 171 00:07:47,795 --> 00:07:49,398 Right now, we got a mission to do. 172 00:07:49,541 --> 00:07:50,911 Fall into Falcon formation. 173 00:07:54,507 --> 00:07:56,879 Well, now, here's the issue is that, you're gonna 174 00:07:56,879 --> 00:07:59,553 give me an order, I'm not gonna know you're talking to me. 175 00:07:59,694 --> 00:08:01,761 'cause...I'm not in a Black Falcon. 176 00:08:01,802 --> 00:08:03,726 Come on, chill it out, Black Falcon. 177 00:08:03,769 --> 00:08:05,974 Yeah, Black Falcon, relax. 178 00:08:06,043 --> 00:08:07,344 First of all, I don't like the way 179 00:08:07,377 --> 00:08:08,538 you guys are saying "black." 180 00:08:08,857 --> 00:08:10,729 Second of all, there is no Black Falcon! 181 00:08:10,897 --> 00:08:12,033 I'm Green Falcon! 182 00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:14,006 Black Falcon, homie, 183 00:08:14,049 --> 00:08:16,087 no one's trying to get up in your grill here. 184 00:08:16,105 --> 00:08:18,685 Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. Don't talk to me like that. 185 00:08:18,905 --> 00:08:21,110 No, don't say "grill" like that. 186 00:08:21,203 --> 00:08:24,044 I'm the Green Falcon, and I... 187 00:08:24,062 --> 00:08:26,468 Oh, stop being so Black Falcon about it. 188 00:08:26,486 --> 00:08:28,224 What the [bleep] do you mean by that? 189 00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:30,037 Black Falcon, brother, 190 00:08:30,055 --> 00:08:31,559 I understand what you're going through. 191 00:08:31,627 --> 00:08:33,864 Do you? No, I don't think you do. 192 00:08:34,234 --> 00:08:37,128 How would you feel if I called you Red Falcon, huh? 193 00:08:37,194 --> 00:08:38,296 Whoa! 194 00:08:38,313 --> 00:08:39,387 And Purple Falcon, 195 00:08:39,468 --> 00:08:43,245 how would you feel if I called you Yellow Falcon, huh? 196 00:08:43,463 --> 00:08:45,233 - That's racist. - That was racist. 197 00:08:45,276 --> 00:08:48,185 - Yeah, that's racist. - Ooh, that is racist. 198 00:08:48,352 --> 00:08:49,619 That's racist? 199 00:08:49,772 --> 00:08:52,657 Oh, see, okay, nope, forget it. 200 00:08:52,689 --> 00:08:54,660 Black Falcon out... Green Falcon! 201 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,419 Green Falcon! Damn it! 202 00:08:57,794 --> 00:09:01,005 Hey! Why'd that Green Falcon fall out of Falcon formation? 203 00:09:01,024 --> 00:09:03,563 Black Falcon, get on that and report back. 204 00:09:03,881 --> 00:09:06,682 Black Falcon? Black Falcon, come in. 205 00:09:06,825 --> 00:09:08,700 ♪ Saving Earth from space ♪ 206 00:09:08,742 --> 00:09:10,761 ♪ Power Falcons! ♪ 207 00:09:12,742 --> 00:09:16,284 You know what's ridiculous? When people go to prison 208 00:09:16,503 --> 00:09:18,705 because they... they're trying to cover for somebody else. 209 00:09:18,755 --> 00:09:20,192 - Yeah. - Don't go to prison. 210 00:09:20,311 --> 00:09:22,851 If you... if you do... if you didn't do the crime... 211 00:09:23,174 --> 00:09:25,312 Both: Don't do the time. 212 00:09:25,355 --> 00:09:26,382 It's true. 213 00:09:26,428 --> 00:09:27,974 And that's one to grow on. 214 00:09:30,939 --> 00:09:32,811 But, you know, in prison they, you know... 215 00:09:32,878 --> 00:09:34,348 It's not worth anything. 216 00:09:34,417 --> 00:09:36,088 - No, it's not. - It's not worth anything 217 00:09:36,155 --> 00:09:38,896 to just straight-up get manhandled, and horseplayed, 218 00:09:38,964 --> 00:09:41,537 and monkeyed around. No, you don't want any... 219 00:09:41,605 --> 00:09:43,308 - Eh, yeah, no. - You don't want to have 220 00:09:43,323 --> 00:09:46,686 animal interactions with another man behind bars. 221 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,234 I don't want any rascally behavior. 222 00:09:48,256 --> 00:09:49,633 - I don't need... - You don't want... 223 00:09:49,649 --> 00:09:52,002 everybody's undying respect when I get out is not worth it. 224 00:09:52,071 --> 00:09:53,475 - No, and as a matter of fact... - I don't care. 225 00:09:53,546 --> 00:09:55,249 you might not get that undying respect... 226 00:09:55,264 --> 00:09:57,151 - Respect, yes. - If, you know... 227 00:09:57,501 --> 00:09:59,893 when you fart it goes... wooh... like a bottle. 228 00:09:59,961 --> 00:10:01,030 like a bottle. 229 00:10:01,098 --> 00:10:02,969 Like an empt... 230 00:10:06,614 --> 00:10:07,384 I'm sorry. 231 00:10:17,072 --> 00:10:19,787 Ma'am... Breathe. 232 00:10:27,890 --> 00:10:30,018 Yo, man, you okay in here? 233 00:10:30,086 --> 00:10:32,492 Everyone on the outside know you didn't talk. 234 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,632 We got mad respect for you, dog. 235 00:10:34,699 --> 00:10:36,439 All right? Mad respect. 236 00:10:37,488 --> 00:10:38,577 Yes. 237 00:10:38,773 --> 00:10:42,198 And I am still happy with that decision. 238 00:10:42,948 --> 00:10:44,413 The first time I was in lockup, 239 00:10:45,190 --> 00:10:47,684 dog, I was scared [bleep]less, man. 240 00:10:47,776 --> 00:10:50,414 Scared [bleep]less, yes. That is an... 241 00:10:50,481 --> 00:10:52,185 accurate way to describe it. 242 00:10:52,253 --> 00:10:53,723 Yeah, man, but, you know, 243 00:10:53,791 --> 00:10:56,139 it wasn't too long before I made this place my bitch. 244 00:10:56,178 --> 00:10:59,775 Oh, eh, there's plenty of that going on. 245 00:10:59,843 --> 00:11:01,412 Yo, I ran this place, man. 246 00:11:01,481 --> 00:11:03,853 Come on, man, you must be running this [bleep]hole. 247 00:11:03,878 --> 00:11:06,441 Well, I am doing quite a bit of running. 248 00:11:06,484 --> 00:11:08,806 Man, you know there's a certain pecking order in prison. 249 00:11:08,871 --> 00:11:10,600 You know, you got the brothers on the top, 250 00:11:10,663 --> 00:11:12,367 and you got the brothers on the bottom. 251 00:11:12,626 --> 00:11:13,662 You understand. 252 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:16,252 Yes, I understand that very clearly 253 00:11:16,272 --> 00:11:17,842 and very frequently. 254 00:11:18,343 --> 00:11:19,701 That's my dog. 255 00:11:21,091 --> 00:11:22,191 Now... 256 00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:26,072 the reason I came, though, is we got kind of a problem. 257 00:11:27,956 --> 00:11:30,629 You know a crazy brother in here go by the name of "Seven Inch"? 258 00:11:30,697 --> 00:11:33,505 Yes. I definitely know Seven Inch. 259 00:11:33,572 --> 00:11:35,010 All right, well Seven Inch run 260 00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:36,964 with the Willis brothers, all right? 261 00:11:36,981 --> 00:11:38,494 And he knows some [bleep] that... 262 00:11:39,206 --> 00:11:41,550 Well, let's just say we can't have this guy naming names. 263 00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:42,814 All right? 264 00:11:44,111 --> 00:11:45,933 We thought since you on the inside, 265 00:11:45,999 --> 00:11:47,437 you could take care of it. 266 00:11:47,972 --> 00:11:49,309 You know what I'm talking about? 267 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,392 You want me to take care of Seven Inch? 268 00:11:51,488 --> 00:11:53,477 Yeah, you know, just take him out the equation. 269 00:11:53,645 --> 00:11:56,159 The problem is getting time with him. 270 00:11:56,227 --> 00:11:57,945 Oh, I can get time with him. 271 00:11:58,806 --> 00:12:01,297 Oh, yes, I do believe I will most likely 272 00:12:01,334 --> 00:12:02,785 be seeing him this evening. 273 00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:04,060 That's awesome. 274 00:12:04,180 --> 00:12:05,958 Okay, but you... you gotta get him alone, though. 275 00:12:05,984 --> 00:12:09,075 Ohhh... That won't be a problem. 276 00:12:09,123 --> 00:12:10,193 Okay, well, uh... 277 00:12:10,406 --> 00:12:12,334 What's your plan, man? How you gonna do it? 278 00:12:12,542 --> 00:12:15,085 What do you say I bite his [bleep] off? 279 00:12:15,786 --> 00:12:17,039 Excuse me? 280 00:12:17,745 --> 00:12:21,561 Just bring my teeth down hard on his [bleep]. 281 00:12:22,756 --> 00:12:24,626 Dog, how you... how you gonna get that close? 282 00:12:25,096 --> 00:12:28,044 Just...Way ahead of you on that one. 283 00:12:30,497 --> 00:12:33,618 Oh, man. You bad, man. 284 00:12:33,758 --> 00:12:36,164 That's... that's some hard [bleep], dog. 285 00:12:36,283 --> 00:12:38,561 This place has changed you, man. 286 00:12:40,350 --> 00:12:41,818 You have no idea. 287 00:13:09,381 --> 00:13:11,487 - I'm scared of cops. - You're scared of cops? 288 00:13:11,555 --> 00:13:12,858 I'm scared of cops. 289 00:13:12,946 --> 00:13:15,210 I-I mean, I'm generally afraid of cops because 290 00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:17,375 when I walk around with, like, a black friend, 291 00:13:17,488 --> 00:13:18,508 like you... 292 00:13:21,284 --> 00:13:23,875 I start... I start talking a little bit more thug 293 00:13:23,881 --> 00:13:25,232 - 'cause, you know... - No, I know. 294 00:13:25,265 --> 00:13:27,287 - We nee... yeah. - Because we need the extra power. 295 00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,711 - We need this. - To make one full black person. 296 00:13:29,801 --> 00:13:31,288 - We need this. - So, you know. 297 00:13:33,111 --> 00:13:34,375 It's gotta be right about 298 00:13:34,390 --> 00:13:35,526 - this level right... - I swear to God... 299 00:13:35,568 --> 00:13:36,371 But you know what I'm saying, brother? 300 00:13:36,413 --> 00:13:37,435 You know what I'm saying? 301 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:38,857 Didn't you just get more comfortable all of a sudden? 302 00:13:38,867 --> 00:13:39,743 Yeah, all right. 303 00:13:41,181 --> 00:13:44,495 So, but a cop... if a cop comes up to me on the street and, 304 00:13:44,512 --> 00:13:45,546 "Hey, what are you guys doing?" 305 00:13:45,562 --> 00:13:47,340 I-I turn into [bleep] Ned Flanders. 306 00:13:47,389 --> 00:13:49,050 It's all, "Hi-dee-oh. 307 00:13:49,264 --> 00:13:50,925 "Doing just fine. Just walking down the street 308 00:13:50,968 --> 00:13:52,578 "on a stroll, my friend. 309 00:13:52,646 --> 00:13:54,150 "Come on, follow me. 310 00:13:54,852 --> 00:13:57,156 "We'll find some criminals together, let's do it." 311 00:13:57,220 --> 00:13:58,295 Oh, man. 312 00:13:58,363 --> 00:14:00,118 - "I'll tell on anyone." - So... 313 00:14:00,228 --> 00:14:01,049 "I'll tell on..." 314 00:14:16,526 --> 00:14:18,003 Was I speeding, officer? 315 00:14:19,810 --> 00:14:21,501 You don't look like you're from around here. 316 00:14:21,597 --> 00:14:23,307 No, sir. 317 00:14:26,029 --> 00:14:27,608 You been doing any drugs tonight? 318 00:14:27,630 --> 00:14:28,633 No, sir. 319 00:14:28,703 --> 00:14:30,116 - Nope? - No. 320 00:14:33,224 --> 00:14:34,533 Why don't you pop that trunk, 321 00:14:34,549 --> 00:14:36,259 step out of the vehicle for me, please. 322 00:14:36,962 --> 00:14:38,530 - Really? - Yeah. 323 00:14:45,772 --> 00:14:47,258 No drugs, huh? 324 00:14:47,638 --> 00:14:48,271 Nope. 325 00:14:51,383 --> 00:14:52,940 Well, well, well. 326 00:14:56,215 --> 00:14:57,350 What have we here? 327 00:14:57,392 --> 00:15:00,926 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You planted that in my car. 328 00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:02,657 Oh, did I? 329 00:15:05,335 --> 00:15:06,700 Or... did I plant this? 330 00:15:06,719 --> 00:15:08,740 Uh... I real... I guess... 331 00:15:08,781 --> 00:15:09,995 Up against the car, right now. 332 00:15:10,064 --> 00:15:10,968 - Oh! - Spread 'em! 333 00:15:11,009 --> 00:15:12,941 - Uh... - Huh, what's going... 334 00:15:13,005 --> 00:15:14,919 Whoa, whoa. What do we have here, huh? 335 00:15:14,962 --> 00:15:16,833 - What? - These your colors, homie? 336 00:15:16,901 --> 00:15:18,456 - That's... that's not mine. Huh... - Huh? 337 00:15:18,538 --> 00:15:19,921 - No, I don't know what that... - What? No? 338 00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:21,590 Or are these your colors? 339 00:15:21,658 --> 00:15:24,163 Or perhaps these are your colors. 340 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,521 Or are these... ? Look at all these colors. 341 00:15:26,537 --> 00:15:28,456 Man, you sure got a lot of colors. 342 00:15:28,483 --> 00:15:30,789 - I don't... - Look at all of these colors. 343 00:15:30,883 --> 00:15:32,978 - What, this is... - Wasah! 344 00:15:36,461 --> 00:15:38,533 - Are you a real cop? - Freeze! 345 00:15:38,601 --> 00:15:40,436 What is that? 346 00:15:40,513 --> 00:15:41,543 Mm. 347 00:15:42,081 --> 00:15:43,649 Well, well, well. 348 00:15:44,032 --> 00:15:46,058 It looks like an illegal firearm. 349 00:15:47,153 --> 00:15:48,301 Or... 350 00:15:49,602 --> 00:15:51,131 Is it? Ahh. 351 00:15:51,507 --> 00:15:52,503 Oh. 352 00:15:57,641 --> 00:15:59,512 I'm... I don't... I don't know what this is. 353 00:15:59,605 --> 00:16:01,444 - I'm sorry. - Pick a card. 354 00:16:01,924 --> 00:16:03,502 That's not even a good fan. 355 00:16:03,543 --> 00:16:05,414 Any card. You can just stick... there. 356 00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:07,002 - Okay, you took that card? - Yeah. 357 00:16:07,044 --> 00:16:08,816 - Now, can you remember that card? - Yes. 358 00:16:08,826 --> 00:16:10,137 Can you commit that card to memory? 359 00:16:10,175 --> 00:16:12,051 - This is unbelievable. - Have you done so? 360 00:16:12,187 --> 00:16:13,858 - Have you done so? - Yes. 361 00:16:14,082 --> 00:16:17,165 Please insert the card back into the deck randomly. 362 00:16:17,179 --> 00:16:17,820 Done. 363 00:16:17,887 --> 00:16:20,628 It's in a different place than where you took it originally? 364 00:16:20,697 --> 00:16:23,296 - There. - There we are. There we are. 365 00:16:23,361 --> 00:16:26,587 - This is ridiculous. - Now, I take the deck like so. 366 00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:30,778 I give it a "skasloisles" and "abracasloish." 367 00:16:32,868 --> 00:16:35,028 Uh, fu... wha... 368 00:16:35,693 --> 00:16:36,387 Okay... 369 00:16:39,407 --> 00:16:42,780 Ahh. Is this... your card? 370 00:16:42,807 --> 00:16:44,711 - No! - Are you sure? 371 00:16:44,711 --> 00:16:45,981 I want your badge number. 372 00:16:47,803 --> 00:16:50,076 Oh. Oh. Oh! 373 00:16:54,348 --> 00:16:56,960 Uh... uh... wha... 374 00:16:57,747 --> 00:16:58,834 Okay... 375 00:16:59,803 --> 00:17:01,038 - Oh! - Haah. 376 00:17:01,184 --> 00:17:02,357 Uh... 377 00:17:02,904 --> 00:17:04,641 It's my ca... How did you do that? 378 00:17:04,787 --> 00:17:06,168 Ahh. 379 00:17:08,172 --> 00:17:09,375 And... 380 00:17:10,448 --> 00:17:11,609 that is for you. 381 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,939 After all that, you're still giving me a ticket? 382 00:17:16,266 --> 00:17:17,633 Is it a ticket? 383 00:17:18,047 --> 00:17:21,563 Or is it a two-for-one coupon for my show 384 00:17:21,581 --> 00:17:24,028 at the Magic House Thursday night at 11:00 p.m.? 385 00:17:24,632 --> 00:17:26,459 Your call. 386 00:17:30,298 --> 00:17:31,734 I'll take the ticket. 387 00:17:32,386 --> 00:17:33,755 Great. Okay. 388 00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:41,231 Do you want to talk about that tweet? 389 00:17:41,283 --> 00:17:42,947 - Well there... yes, there was... - Yeah. 390 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,496 Wha... uh, a few months ago, I did a... 391 00:17:45,561 --> 00:17:49,005 a tweet that, uh... it was a... 392 00:17:49,434 --> 00:17:50,871 basically, a hypothetical. 393 00:17:50,871 --> 00:17:52,676 - Mm-hmm. - And it asked the question, 394 00:17:52,743 --> 00:17:54,569 "What if names were farts?" 395 00:17:55,620 --> 00:17:56,555 - Mm-hmm. - What if, 396 00:17:56,622 --> 00:17:59,800 instead of names, we had signature farts? 397 00:17:59,818 --> 00:18:03,060 We were identified, personally, by farts. 398 00:18:05,437 --> 00:18:07,200 And we felt that it was a good idea... 399 00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:12,421 to use lots of Comedy Central's money 400 00:18:14,501 --> 00:18:17,931 to bring you this scene based on that very premise. 401 00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:19,992 Shame on you if you laugh. 402 00:18:21,532 --> 00:18:22,340 Please, enjoy. 403 00:18:26,157 --> 00:18:28,828 - Honey, someone's here. - Oh. Okay. 404 00:18:32,538 --> 00:18:35,079 Oh, hey ..., good to see you. 405 00:18:35,129 --> 00:18:36,814 Thanks for having us, .... 406 00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:38,894 This is my girlfriend, .... 407 00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,091 We're so happy you could join us. 408 00:18:40,106 --> 00:18:41,977 And this is my wife, .... 409 00:18:42,241 --> 00:18:44,112 So this is the infamous 410 00:18:44,185 --> 00:18:46,298 ... and .... 411 00:18:46,442 --> 00:18:48,782 ... has told me so much about you both. 412 00:18:49,168 --> 00:18:50,363 All good things I hope. 413 00:18:50,926 --> 00:18:52,354 You can never trust .... 414 00:18:52,447 --> 00:18:53,832 Hey, wait a minute. 415 00:18:54,385 --> 00:18:56,263 And please, please, don't call me .... 416 00:18:56,330 --> 00:18:58,065 It makes me think my mother's around someplace. 417 00:18:58,112 --> 00:18:59,085 Oh. 418 00:19:00,122 --> 00:19:02,728 Hey, you know, where is little ...? 419 00:19:02,770 --> 00:19:06,313 Oh, she's at ...'s house for a slumber party. 420 00:19:06,381 --> 00:19:10,114 - Ah. - Oh, um, ... and ..., 421 00:19:10,132 --> 00:19:11,704 there's... this is the couple from New York 422 00:19:11,743 --> 00:19:13,279 that we wanted you guys to meet. 423 00:19:13,296 --> 00:19:16,918 Uh, this is ... and her husband .... 424 00:19:16,934 --> 00:19:18,695 They're gonna be in New York for a few weeks, 425 00:19:18,695 --> 00:19:20,345 so we were hoping you could give them some tips. 426 00:19:20,345 --> 00:19:21,074 - Ooh. - Sure. 427 00:19:21,105 --> 00:19:22,307 Oh, that'd be great. 428 00:19:22,476 --> 00:19:26,020 So, how do you know ... and ...? 429 00:19:26,062 --> 00:19:28,382 Oh, well ... and I went to 430 00:19:28,477 --> 00:19:31,419 ... School of Dramatic Arts, 431 00:19:31,460 --> 00:19:34,134 back when ... was working in midtown. 432 00:19:34,202 --> 00:19:35,806 - Mm. - Oh, where did you work? 433 00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:39,660 I was at ..., ..., ..., 434 00:19:39,707 --> 00:19:41,452 and .... 435 00:19:41,646 --> 00:19:42,525 Oh, the law firm. 436 00:19:42,567 --> 00:19:44,405 - Hey! - Oh, hey. 437 00:19:44,447 --> 00:19:45,983 - Ha! - How are you? 438 00:19:46,025 --> 00:19:47,897 - It's so good to see you. - Good to see you. 439 00:19:47,939 --> 00:19:49,000 Come here. Hey, everybody, 440 00:19:49,047 --> 00:19:52,326 this is .... 441 00:19:52,420 --> 00:19:53,875 I want you meet one of my dearest, 442 00:19:53,906 --> 00:19:55,290 oldest friends, .... 443 00:19:55,308 --> 00:19:56,243 This is his girlfriend, .... 444 00:19:56,258 --> 00:19:57,207 - Hi. - Hey. 445 00:19:57,224 --> 00:19:58,340 - Hello. - Of course, you know .... 446 00:19:58,387 --> 00:20:00,278 - Oh, hi. - This is ..., 447 00:20:00,295 --> 00:20:02,911 and this is her husband, .... 448 00:20:02,928 --> 00:20:05,000 - Hi. - What a beautiful name. 449 00:20:05,043 --> 00:20:07,683 You know, I knew a ... 450 00:20:08,085 --> 00:20:09,322 in grad school. 451 00:20:09,358 --> 00:20:10,428 Oh. 452 00:20:10,445 --> 00:20:12,550 Well, thank you, but it's actually pronounced 453 00:20:15,504 --> 00:20:18,383 Wow, I swear that sounds like what you were saying .... 454 00:20:18,416 --> 00:20:18,813 I don't know. 455 00:20:18,831 --> 00:20:20,344 Anyways, it's lovely to meet you all. 456 00:20:20,363 --> 00:20:21,858 Yeah, yeah, okay, yes. 457 00:20:22,945 --> 00:20:24,553 Robert! 458 00:20:27,178 --> 00:20:29,210 I'm so sorry. Heinrich! 459 00:20:30,602 --> 00:20:31,819 I'll... 460 00:20:31,887 --> 00:20:33,526 show myself to the restroom. 461 00:20:33,652 --> 00:20:34,922 Wow, uh... 462 00:20:35,042 --> 00:20:37,148 - Jeez. - So rude. 463 00:20:37,189 --> 00:20:39,629 Well, for ...'s sake. 464 00:20:42,231 --> 00:20:43,246 Thank you, everybody. 465 00:20:43,288 --> 00:20:45,052 Thank you so much for coming out. 466 00:20:45,093 --> 00:20:47,097 I am the Yellow Falcon. 467 00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:49,154 I am the Black Fal... Green Falcon! 468 00:20:49,175 --> 00:20:50,597 - Green, oh-- - Green Falcon! 469 00:20:50,893 --> 00:20:52,430 Good night, everybody. Take care. 470 00:20:59,144 --> 00:21:01,917 ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 471 00:21:02,170 --> 00:21:04,040 Oh, yeah.